Always listening. Always there for others. Always doing what's expected and what's being asked for. Always putting others first, even before herself. She's so nice, isn't she?
What do you feel when you hear those 4 little words? She. is. so. nice.
From a very young age, girls are taught by their parents and society to be nice. To play nice. To say it nicely. To be nice and good and kind and quiet. Oh, she's such a good girl! She is quiet and sits nicely without interrupting the adults.
Good Girl! Well done! Do as you are told, be nice, kind, stay quiet and comply.
Is your stomach turning by now?
We can sense that this all feels untrue on so many levels, but why do we champion 'nice'?
5 reasons why Miss Nice cannot be trusted.
1. Nice or Genuine
The games up! Miss Nice may not truly be being herself. She wants you to like her more than truly know her and understand her. She may not feel the same way as you in regards to thoughts, options, values and awareness and yet, she does not want to rock the apple cart. She may feel unsafe, unsure, lacking self worth. There is no room for judgement here. Miss Nice has found herself in a position of paralysis. She is imprisoned.
Being genuine for Miss Nice is a struggle because she may have to let go of being liked. Ironically the more genuine a person is the more likely they are to be accepted and understood.
2. Good or True
Good girl! The good girl does things for others. She is so good at getting jobs done. Being there for others and presenting to the world a being that is charitable and giving. But goodness is such a deception. It may be presented through guilt or having to do or be a way that is acceptable. Being good or being true? The difference is the honesty of true and the intention behind the activity. When we encourage a young girl to always be true to herself and to others, she will then grow with a deep knowing of who she is and what she knows to be true.
3. Quiet or Expressive
Quiet as a mouse. The quiet girl let's others speak more often then herself. Learning to stay low and hide from the world. It is all in the way she holds herself. She wants to lay low to avoid the responsibility of being who she is and speaking up to what is true and what is needed to be shared.
When we are expressive in the way we move and speak and live in the world we are a true reflection for others.
Our expression ignites a flame within us that is our connection to our essence and our activation to our purpose on earth.
4. Meek or Claimed
Holding back what you have to share in this world, is a travesty and yet so common. This is often for fear of looking like a 'know it all', being judged, being seen for who you truly are, and being powerful. Claim who you are, Miss Meek! All of you. The wisdom that you have lived and embodied. The lives you have lived and know. Claim it and share it with grace and beauty. Let go of the shame and guilt of the past, it no longer serves you.
5. Fake or Real
Hands up who you can spend the day with, the girl that is small talking, fake, nice, kind, superficial and safe or the one that is steady and real and true to herself? Get real. Support your daughters to be real. To use their true voice. Not their baby voice that gets favours from others. Support them to be strong and gentle and delicate and connected to their body. Encourage honesty. Celebrate simplicity and an uncomplicated way of expressing. Be genuine. Show your daughter through your own expression, that being real is so important in terms of your relationships with yourself and others, life and beyond.
The world says be nice, but the truth is,
niceness is just a mask and in the end
the beauty of a woman is in her ability
to be transparent, claimed, real and true.
Her true self is in her willingness to be truth-full and direct
and loving without conditions.
You cannot be intimate if you are not genuine, expressive, claimed and real. The nice girl is quietly dying on the inside, waiting to break out of the self imposed scaffolding and walk the earth as the huge awakened Being that she is.
In the end Miss Nice cannot be trusted. She knows this. She doesn't trust herself. She fears being seen and loved. She does however, continually have opportunities to stop and take a look at what gets in the way of her being herself.
How can you assist?
Support her with this self-discovery. Be open and expressive with her. Model being a truthful and open being. Give her space to re-set and re-boot, leaving behind her old patterns and behaviours. Miss Nice has been imprisoned, sometimes for lifetimes. She is magnificent on so many levels and just needs a little support to let go of Miss Nice and return to being True.