Updated: May 20
"Words get in the way,
of what we are trying to say"
There is nothing more beautiful in this world than to be truly known and appreciated. But how much are we held, felt and understood? Are you being listened to? Are you listening?
8 ways to re-discover the joy of listening.
1. True Connection
Are you dying to be heard? To be understood? To be truly known? Do you feel like you speak and no one hears you? Or do you speak and people speak over you or don't let you finish all that you felt you had to share? The connection that we all long for can feel lost when we feel we are not heard. The key to the connection, is that it starts with us. Connecting first to our own body allows us to feel settled and still. When we feel settled within, we speak with steadiness and our voices drop more into our heart and body and sound full and richer. When we are connected, we speak from the heart. The heart seems to have less to say and more to feel. We observe more and understood more. When we connect to our body we need less from others and know that we are already enough. When we are connected, we speak with authority. When we are connected, we listen with love and understanding.
2. Talk a lot?
Have you noticed that you speak a lot? Do you offer random information to others? Tell stories that are long and detailed? Ask alot of questions? Do you speak without first feeling if it's necessary? When someone calls you on the phone, do you let them share what it is they have called to tell you, or do you speak first and take over the conversation? If this is you you are not alone. The majority of us speak without awareness and for a variety of reasons. Talking a lot can mean that you are feeling excited, stressed, anxious and racy in your body. This can be due to consuming sugar, caffeine and mental thoughts. Your momentum in the day can make you racy too! It can also mean that you don't feel comfortable being more still and observing and understanding what is going on around you. Being dis-connected can also mean that you have an issue with being close to others.
3. Slow down
When you slow down your thoughts and raciness in life, you speed up your delicateness and awareness and access to endless wisdom, within.
Slow down your need to be heard and to be right and important and recognised. Slow down your desire to compare with someone in a conversation. Slow down the answer or response you already have in your head when someone else is speaking. How can you hear them if you are listening to you? Slow down any internal chatter and self talk that prevents you from listening and speaking with a depth and quality that enriches the conversation. Slow down the noise and let the truth be felt.
4. What's in the way?
We are in the way. We are always the creators of our own issues. If someone else doesn't listen to us, where are we not listening to others? If we really need someone else to listen to us, where have we placed conditions on the relationship? If we don't listen and speak over people, where have we been avoiding being deeply settled in our own bodies, what are we truly avoiding? We cannot change the way people listen to us, but we can hold and support and understand where they are at. We can change the way we listen to them. Then we can ask ourselves...Do people avoid listening to us because we are speaking about the truth? Do they avoid listening because we don't deliver what it is we are saying, with love? Do they not listen or react because they do not want to feel the expansion or opportunity to change through what's being said? Are we doing the same thing?
Into-me-I-see. Yes its a classic but its true. The more we know ourselves, the greater capacity we have to know others.
The deeper we access that which we are connected to beyond this realm, the more we are connecting to a rich and endless wisdom and beauty within.
If we talk too much and find ourselves unable to deeply hold another and listen with our whole bodies to what is and is not being said, then we are avoiding the majesty of love that is there on tap between us.
Without words, we can be together and melt away the protection and boundaries. Without words, we can look into each others eyes and feel heaven and beyond.
We often avoid intimacy by speaking about things that are shallow and lack meaning or depth. We avoid intimacy by speaking loudly and over people, pushing them away. We avoid intimacy by not truly listening. Are we feeling hurt, rejected, hardened, afraid. What are we afraid of?
6. Silence is Golden
The word listen is in the word silent. Finding the joy in being silent and deeply listening to what is or is not being said, far outweighs a lot of chatter. Watching and observing the body language of another speaks louder than any words. Taking time just to be with someone without any agenda, need, desire or expectation is the greatest gift you can give. Just spend time with a newborn and you will get the idea. Space is not empty, Space is love.
7. Your body
Your body has all the answers. Do you listen to your body? If you truly listen it will speak to you in the form of feelings and in the way it moves. It may ache, be stiff, sore or have illness and dis-ease. Your body may be clumsy, rigid or lack grace and flow. Your body may also feel fluid and harmonious and ignite when you feel something, see someone or think of something that you love and feel inspired by. The speaking body is loud and clear, when you are willing to hear? We just need to stop and get really still, to listen.
8. Listen Up
Listening to yourself and to others is one of the most powerful ways that we can communicate on this planet. It feels enriching and allows us to access each other on levels that we never thought possible. Listening requires a steadiness in the body and a willingness to hear what is really being spoken, without filters, distortion or re-interpreting what it is that we hear. Listening requires honesty and love. Do you have the heart to listen? Do you have the courage to be heard? Once we decide to listen we can then be willing to be heard and felt and appreciated for the open, loving and transparent beings we truly are.